he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
