I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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