Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
