My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
