Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
