You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
