More tranny stories later!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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