my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he thought i was a dude.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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