I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize