remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
