I am spending my child support on dildos
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
