Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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