Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Success! We fucked roommates!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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