Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
