C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
