Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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