Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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