I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
