it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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