Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
