Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
