tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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