I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
