well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
