Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
