cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
