i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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