I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
