I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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