If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
