Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize