he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
