Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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