Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
