Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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