He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
