do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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