there's paper in my vomit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
