I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
