Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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