it was like his penis was on wheels.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what day is it and did you see me today?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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