I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize