"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
