If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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