Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
