I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize