What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
