Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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