She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
