I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
