Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you didnt know i had herpes?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
