do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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