you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
