Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
