Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
