Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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