i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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