We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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