it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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