she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
