Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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