Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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