Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You took a bar mat shot.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
