Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
