The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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