I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
