please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
