But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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