Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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