I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize