There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
