I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
