I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
