so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize