whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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