I think my vagina is haunted
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize