she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i now understand why vodka
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
