her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
