just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
