I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
