Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
