How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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