I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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