Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
