I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
