If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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