Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
