Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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